I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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