ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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