If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
