I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
