piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
