Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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