It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
