I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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