is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
