and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you never un-have a 4some
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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