I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
