I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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