Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
