I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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