I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
