I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
