Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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