I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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