69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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