dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
