Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
