Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
