Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't deserve a penis
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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