I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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