So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
