1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
