piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
