So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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