you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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