My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
