my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
