i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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