I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
