Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
