you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
