He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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