Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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