My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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