I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
