I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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