At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
