he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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