just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
