Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
