He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just high enough for therapy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
