well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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