Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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