She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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