I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
