I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
