I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
